Writer’s block… that didn’t take long

I have only written one blog. Already I feel a block. Whatever topic I write about has to be interesting. Potentially funny. Random is good.  Excuse me while I brainstorm to come up with something random that gives the veneer of improvisation. 

It’s funny: two days ago I thought, “I should start a blog. I have so much to say. The world will be a better place once it reads my words.” The entire world. Yes.  And now, nothing.  I have nothing to say.  How does that happen?

We could all stand to lick a few more hands…

At the risk of sounding like the crazy cat lady that I may or may not be in danger of becoming, my first blog will be about one of my two kittens. Partly because he’s laying curled up next to me, with both his little arms wrapped around mine while I type, snoring.  It would be difficult for me to focus on something else… and I’m pretty sure that is his intent. 

Zachy is not like most cats.  It may be more appropriate to refer to him as a small dog.  That is to say, he has the loyalty of a dog.  He doesn’t like independence or to be by himself.  He follows me EVERYWHERE.  It doesn’t matter if he has to lay on a cold linoleum floor, it doesn’t matter if I leave in the middle of him napping, it doesn’t even matter if I hold him upside down.  He does not like to be left out.  He is also not like most cats in that he loves everyone.  If you come to the front door, he will run to greet you.  You don’t even have to acknowledge him and he starts purring just because you’re near him.  Right now, I have not been paying attention to him for at least ten minutes, but he just woke up, blinked at me with sleepy eyes, and started purring. 

Also, he’s an incessant licker.  I don’t know what it is, but he seems positive that the only way to show his true affection is by licking you nonstop.  If you’re rough playing with him he may bite you. Once.  But then he’ll cling to your hand with both paws and just as you flinch from the anticipated pain, he starts licking you so fast, and with such determination that it catches you off guard.  It’s as if to say “I’m sorry for biting you, I didn’t mean it. Please don’t stop playing with me.”  And I’m not sure I can even convey the response of exaltation he shows if you start petting him.  It’s something to the effect of “I have never been shown love before.  No one has ever even pet me. I can’t even put into words how good that feels. Because I am a cat. And I do not have words.”  Scratching his back? It doesn’t matter. He will twist and contort himself into the most uncomfortable-looking positions imaginable in order to reach your hands with his little pink, sandpaper tongue.  He will not stop licking.  Not even after you are done petting.  Because Zachy is a lover and a giver.  He is completely unselfish.  He longs for love and attention but not one-sidedly.  He cannot receive affection without returning the favor, without making it very clear how grateful he is for such a small gesture. 

And this is a cat.  Who learns a lesson from their cat?  As humans we have this annoying, innate tendency to be selfish.  I mean, writing this entry puts me to shame.  I cannot honestly say that I offer my love, unguarded, untainted, and without proven evidence of return.  I’m much more apt to protect myself.   A few weeks ago, Jim brought me a bunch of snacks for my roadtrip to go see my sister in Nashville and my response was something to the effect of, “Oh, thanks but I was really wanting to eat healthy for this trip.”  Couldn’t I have licked his hand or something?  It would have been nicer.  Weird. But nicer.

And I can’t remember the last time I openly expressed my enthusiasm for seeing someone I had just seen the day before.  Partly because of my own insecurities and intimidations, more often than not I probably seem indifferent and maybe even a little standoffish.  This overlying fear of rejection I’ve always felt ends up getting in the way of me expressing my genuine joy that comes from seeing that person.  I mean, I think I’m pretty friendly for the most part, but how often do I allow myself to open up and become vulnerable enough to make people feel truly special?  Not often enough.

I love to be adored by Zachy.  Don’t we all have this unspoken desire to be indispensable to another?  Zachy makes me want to learn how to go out of my way so people know I love them, know they are anything but replaceable to me.